An Open Letter: To the One Who Stayed, From One Who Went

We attended church together. Living life with one another. Participating in church activities and other events. Until one day, when I announced that I would be going forth into the world for ministry. I was so excited to prepare for this mission God laid on my heart, so I shared my news with you. Yet some of you did not share my joy and the fire in me dimmed a little.

I know that you are a loving, sincere, godly person, which is partly why I was so blindsided that you weren't sharing my joy. Your words, regardless of the good intentions or playful banter you meant, carried far more sting that I think that you realized. Your smile as you spoke those words did not remove the barb your words placed in my heart.

Sadly, when I talk to others called to missions and ministry, they have encountered similar words with all-too-familiar barbs wounding their own hearts. This is coming from someone who went out into missions. I want you to know that these are NOT words support the missions-minded people in your midst.

What I Heard: God is telling me that you are supposed stay with us.

What My Head Understood: The speaker is going to miss us a lot & is not looking forward to us leaving.
What My Heart Felt: God speaks with one voice and the speaker is trying to play the "God card" to guilt me into staying instead of going where God is leading. This call is new and scary for me, and now I am doubting the Spirit's leading.
My Final Thoughts on This: Your message from God and my message from God are contradicting each other. They both cannot be true. Can I be honest? Your message sorta deflated me. It stole part of my joy of my calling. Your jest caused me stress and doubt. I'm sorry I didn't laugh much and that my smile seemed a bit forced.

What I Heard: Don't worry. They'll be back [to our church]. They are just doing what they feel God is telling them to do.

What My Head Understood: The speaker sees that God is calling us to missions, but hopes we will return.
What My Heart Felt: How sweet! The little child thinks God is calling her to missions. Don't worry. It's just a phase and she'll soon be back never to leave.
My Final Thoughts on This: Your message did not tell me that I am a fellow believer who is capable of listening to God's call and obeying. It is more patronizing and condescending than helpful. I feel belittled and written off. I am hearing the unspoken ending of your comment: I'm getting this call wrong because we "feel" God is calling us...but you don't think He really is.

What I Heard: You didn't ask me for permission to go to <place>.

What My Head Understood: You are sad that we are going and maybe a little hurt that we announced our plans instead of consulting you.
What My Heart Felt: Should I be conducting a survey before I do what God is calling me to do? Pardon my bluntness, did I need your permission?
My Final Thoughts on This: You're right. I didn't ask your permission. Because I don't need your permission. Frankly, I need very few people's permission to follow where God leads.

What I Heard: Let's pray that the doors don't open for this journey to happen. (i.e. house to sell, funds to be raised, etc.)

What My Head Understood: They are sad that we are leaving and don't want us to go.
What My Heart Felt: Are there people praying that hurdles will be raised between me and this ministry? Isn't fighting the devil's forces enough? Must I fight the church's "prayers" too?Our prayers are conflicting each other. God cannot answer two opposing prayers at the same time. Why aren't you praying that I follow God's will? Why are you trying to up the cost of following Him?
My Final Thoughts on This: You can pray prayers like that...but it doesn't mean that you should. Honestly, it hurts to feel that some people at my own church are not supporting me in this mission. It is much more necessary to have prayer warriors praying for us and the real challenges we will face instead of people praying against us.

I do understand the point the speakers meant to make in these examples, but I doubt that they realized how much more difficult my transitions were for me, because of these words. When I was preparing to uproot myself from my family, my home, and my 'normal life', I did not feel supported and encouraged by some within the church community. The church is supposed to be a sending agency, so freely send.

Now all that being said, our parents and many wonderful, loving people were awesome with our move into missions. They were excited for us and they sent us on our way with promises of prayer and support. They prayed for us, encouraged us, let us store things in their homes, supported us financially, and sent us on our way with blessings. That is an image of what the church is supposed to be. In fact, the previous post is all about those highly helpful & encouraging messages we got from many of you.

I hope I wasn't too harsh here. Hearing others in ministry around me receive comments like these still causes my heart to throb with pain even though it has been years since I first heard these comments and began the forgiveness process. So please carefully weigh your words. See Proverbs 12:18, Ephesians 4:29, and Proverbs 18:21.