On Direct Communication

There are two types of communicators: direct communicators and...well, I'm sure you understand the other communication style.

(The other communication style is indirect communication.)

Direct communication says what it means, plainly and without frills.

Indirect communication is relying on the other person to pick up on social cues and subtle nuances in your speech. 

The problem is, a direct communicator doesn't always pick up on what the indirect communicator is saying, because the indirect communicator isn't clearly saying what they mean.

I highly appreciate the direct communicators in my life, because I know where I stand with them and I don't have to worry about disregarding their boundaries since they will let me know what they expect from me.

From what I have observed, indirect communicators seem to build up a lot of resentment at others when they don't pick up on the nuances of the speaker. 

There seems to be overlap between setting good boundaries and communicating directly. This isn't to say every indirect communicator has poor boundaries or every direct communicator has boundaries that are well-enforced, but there does seem to be a correlation between speaking directly and having good boundaries. 

I do favor direct communication, even though I can speak indirectly myself at times. 

My husband and I will often paraphrase back to the other person what we heard them say. Sometimes, our conclusions are so far off base, it is almost comical. 

Tips for speaking directly: 

-Say exactly what you mean. If you mean "we should get the grass mowed before it rains", say that instead of "the weather report says it might rain at 2pm". 

-Make a request instead of making a statement. Say "Could you please clean out the litterbox?" instead of saying "The litterbox is dirty".

-Use phrases such as "I want...", "I need...", "I would like...", or even "Could you please..." to make your requests. 

Tips for communicating with an indirect speaker: 

-Repeat back what you think they said. "It sounded to me like you're just making small talk about the weather. Is that right or were you meaning something else?" 

-Question their statements. Ask if they are wanting you to do something, and if so, please say it plainly. 

-Let them know that you will take what they say at face value. If they complain "The house is filthy", feel free to give an equally bland reply "That sounds frustrating." Granted it is a good idea to follow up with a question along the lines of "What are you wanting to do about that?" or "Are you asking me to do something?" 

Are you a direct or an indirect communicator? What tips do you have for communicating clearly? 

Defending the Marginalized

God cares about the fatherless, the widow, the poor, the oppressed, and the foreigner. He commands us to care for them.

Yet we do all we can to get away from this command.

We say it's the State's job and not ours. Even though God commanded US to care for them.

We label them "undeserving". Even though we don't DESERVE God's grace and God didn't add qualifiers like "if they're deserving" 

We spiritualize it and don't meet their needs because we are just praying for them. Even though James condemned faith without action.

We focus on side issues and political hot button issues to the exclusion of God's commands. Even though these were not optional commands from God.

We give up saying that the world is broken and won't be fixed until Jesus returns, so we're just going to have to live with others being oppressed so we won't be inconvenienced. Even though we are told to live justly and walk humbly with God.

Instead of being concerned with OUR rights, let us be the group that speaks up for the groups that society marginalizes. Instead of using our voices to speak on OUR behalf, let us amplify the voices of those being oppressed and ignored. 

Then we will be obeying God's command to care for the fatherless, the widow, the poor, the oppressed, and the foreigner.