Thursday, June 19, 2014

Reaching True Forgiveness

Sometimes, I think I have this forgiveness thing down.
Other times, I am painfully aware of how far I still need to go.
All it takes is a word, a memory sprung up, unbidden & unwelcome. 
A verse connected to a lesson biasedly given. 
A memory of strong personalities walking over me.

The sudden remembrance births strong anger well after the point where I thought I had forgiven them. 
I list off their wrongs they had done to me. 
The anger grows, surges, & colors my gaze. 
My jaw sets firmly. 
I have been wounded by them.
Yet, I hear the soft voice of God. "Forgive them."
Bu I've been wronged, I tell to God, unable to keep the whine from my voice.
"Forgive them"
But they have hurt me, I tell to God, pointing to my emotional & spiritual scars.
"Forgive them"
But they don't deserve it, I tell to God, referencing my innocence in the incidents.
"Forgive them"
But I don't want to.
"Forgive them"
But they are a reason I want to blaze away from what I have known & settle down elsewhere.
"Forgive them"
My excuses ring hollow in my ears and don´t even convince me, let alone God.

He`s not interested in my corrections of others, but His corrections of me.
So I begin the process of forgiveness again.
As God forgives me, I forgive them.
Haltingly, slowly, but out of love of God.

True forgiveness takes time, but it is not beyond God's ability to work in you.

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