Reaching True Forgiveness

Sometimes, I think I have this forgiveness thing down.

Other times, I am painfully aware of how far I still need to go.

All it takes is a word, a memory sprung up, unbidden & unwelcome. 

A verse connected to a lesson biasedly given. 

A memory of strong personalities walking over me.

The sudden remembrance births strong anger well after the point where I thought I had forgiven them. 

I list off their wrongs they had done to me. 

The anger grows, surges, & colors my gaze. 

My jaw sets firmly. 

I have been wounded by them.

Yet, I hear the soft voice of God. "Forgive them."

Bu I've been wronged, I tell to God, unable to keep the whine from my voice.

"Forgive them"

But they have hurt me, I tell to God, pointing to my emotional & spiritual scars.
"Forgive them"

But they don't deserve it, I tell to God, referencing my innocence in the incidents.
"Forgive them"

But I don't want to.

"Forgive them"

But they are a reason I want to blaze away from what I have known & settle down elsewhere.

"Forgive them"
My excuses ring hollow in my ears and don´t even convince me, let alone God.

He`s not interested in my corrections of others, but His corrections of me.
So I begin the process of forgiveness again.
As God forgives me, I forgive them.
Haltingly, slowly, but out of love of God.

True forgiveness takes time, but it is not beyond God's ability to work in you.