Romans 12: Part 15
After Paul tells us to bless (NOT CURSE) our persecutors, he goes out to tell us to "rejoice with those who rejoice" and to "mourn with those who mourn". It's interesting that these are written in the command form. Paul didn't say "it might be a good idea to..." or "it's fabulous if you can manage to...". As Christians, we are commanded to rejoice and mourn with people who rejoice and mourn respectively. This isn't presented as a side quest or an optional addition to our day, but something that we are supposed to live out as we come across people rejoicing and mourning. When a command is given in the Bible (without a specific recipient, such as the Levites, priests, or king), we don't get to decide if we like it or want to do it; we can either obey God or choose to disobey. There isn't a middle ground where we can opt out because it really isn't our thing.
Rejoicing with Those Rejoicing
There are plenty of people in the world who are wet blankets, pessimists, and otherwise negative people. Don't be like them. When someone tells us good news, let us rejoice with them! They are excited about it! They are telling it to us so that we can be excited with them. It is so hurtful when we tell someone good news, only to have them poke holes in it under the guise of being "realistic".
Even though we, as a society, are pretty determined to "pop people's bubbles", "poke holes in their excitement", and otherwise bring down someone who is too joyful, we still like the concept of rejoicing with those who rejoice. So it's easy to encourage people to rejoice with those who rejoice, because we like to think of ourselves as positive people who do this effortlessly. It's a lot harder to mourn with those who mourn.
Mourning with Mourners
When someone is having a bad day or is feeling blue, they don't always need to be told why they should be happy. Sometimes in our rush to make people feel better, we end up trying to minimize their pain instead of acknowledging it and mourning with them. Telling a person "other people have it worse" doesn't make them feel better; it makes them feel guilty! Refuting a person's description of their bad day with "you have so much to be thankful for!" shows that we are unwilling to mourn with them as we try to force them to "cheer up".
Sometimes, a person just needs to be heard without being told that they shouldn't feel that way. There is a time and a place to lovingly push back on a person's complaining, but there also is a time and a place to just listen to someone vent and assure them that they are having a normal reaction and the situation stinks.
Our society is really bad at mourning with the mourners. We are uncomfortable with tears and other expressions of sorrow, so we either hightail it out of there or try to get them to "look on the bright side". But when dreams or people are laid to rest, sometimes we just need someone to mourn with us for a bit before life moves on.
It is hard to sit with someone in their pain. When your words can't fix things. When you can't do anything to improve their situation. When the only words you have to offer are "I'm sorry you're experiencing that. It sounds painful/frustrating/disappointing/hurtful. This whole situation stinks." When we sit with someone who is hurting, they don't have to "put on a happy face" or endure well-meaning (yet still painful) platitudes and clichés. They can acknowledge their pain and be affirmed that their feelings are normal, valid, and human. They can lower their guard and be real with another person without being judged or condemned. They can feel heard, understood, and acknowledged. We can't always pull someone from the darkness or pit they are experiencing, but we can join them in their pain, so they know they aren't alone.
Take time this week to consider:
-Do you prefer to rejoice with those who rejoice or to mourn with those who mourn?
-When has someone shared good news with you and you responded by bringing them down?
-When have you rejoiced with someone who rejoiced?
-When has someone shared bad news with you and you responded by rushing to cheer them up?
-When have you mourned with someone who mourned?
Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
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