Setting and Respecting Boundaries

What's something that we like when we have them, but we dislike when others have them? 

Boundaries.

Some of us struggle to enforce our boundaries, which may lead to us resenting the people not respecting our boundaries. 

Some of us struggle to respect the boundaries of others, which may lead to them resenting us for not respecting their boundaries.

It can be hard when we set a boundary and it is not respected. When this happens, we are faced with a choice: we can let our boundary be disregarded, we can explode in anger at the person disrespecting our boundaries, we can continue to enforce our boundary, or we can remove ourselves from the situation. 

We learn a lot about a person based on how they respond to "no". If they try to convince us to change our mind, they are acting in a manipulative manner. If they throw a hissy fit to get us to capitulate, they are showing themselves to be childish. If they resort to mockery and sarcasm, they are willing to use their words to hurt others to get their way. If they use the silent treatment and the cold shoulder, they are showing that their love and friendship is dependent on them getting what they want. 

Tips for respecting other's boundaries: 

-Accept their "no" without complaining, arguing, pouting, or trying to change their mind.

-Acknowledge that it takes courage to set a boundary and they set a good boundary.

-Don't try to trouble-shoot and solve the "problem". Some people will give an excuse for why they can't do something, when they really mean "no, I don't want to do that". When we try to solve their problem, we are forcing them to be more direct than their comfort level. 

-Don't demand a reason for their answer. They do not have to justify themselves or explain their position. 

Tips for setting and enforcing your boundaries: 

-Be polite, but firm. "Thank you, but no".

-Don't feel obligated to give reasons for your no.

-Ask them to respect your decision, and by extension, you as well.

-Tell them this is your boundary and if they can't respect it, your alternative is taking space from them