Setting and Respecting Boundaries

What's something that we like when we have them, but we dislike when others have them? 

Boundaries.

Some of us struggle to enforce our boundaries, which may lead to us resenting the people not respecting our boundaries. 

Some of us struggle to respect the boundaries of others, which may lead to them resenting us for not respecting their boundaries.

It can be hard when we set a boundary and it is not respected. When this happens, we are faced with a choice: we can let our boundary be disregarded, we can explode in anger at the person disrespecting our boundaries, we can continue to enforce our boundary, or we can remove ourselves from the situation. 

We learn a lot about a person based on how they respond to "no". If they try to convince us to change our mind, they are acting in a manipulative manner. If they throw a hissy fit to get us to capitulate, they are showing themselves to be childish. If they resort to mockery and sarcasm, they are willing to use their words to hurt others to get their way. If they use the silent treatment and the cold shoulder, they are showing that their love and friendship is dependent on them getting what they want. 

Tips for respecting other's boundaries: 

-Accept their "no" without complaining, arguing, pouting, or trying to change their mind.

-Acknowledge that it takes courage to set a boundary and they set a good boundary.

-Don't try to trouble-shoot and solve the "problem". Some people will give an excuse for why they can't do something, when they really mean "no, I don't want to do that". When we try to solve their problem, we are forcing them to be more direct than their comfort level. 

-Don't demand a reason for their answer. They do not have to justify themselves or explain their position. 

Tips for setting and enforcing your boundaries: 

-Be polite, but firm. "Thank you, but no".

-Don't feel obligated to give reasons for your no.

-Ask them to respect your decision, and by extension, you as well.

-Tell them this is your boundary and if they can't respect it, your alternative is taking space from them 

The Secret of Not Getting Sick of Christmas

I was struck this year by how some people are sick of Christmas-time, before it's even Christmas. In several conversations I had, people were chomping at the bit to tear down their Christmas decorations because they were tired of this season already. 

There is a "secret" to not getting sick of Christmas: make the holiday wait its turn. People are racing past the season of Advent in order to start the Christmas season earlier each year, but then are ready for the "next thing" by the time that Christmas is actually here.

If we follow the Church Year, then we have 4 Sundays of Advent to prepare ourselves for the 12 Days of Christmas, before the Season of Epiphany starts. Christmas was not meant to be a month+ of celebration and excesses; it was meant to be merely 12 days of feasting after 4 Sundays of preparation (or 40 days of fasting, discounting Sundays, in some denominations). 

Instead of doing the convenient, the comfortable, or everything possible during the holiday season, intentionally map out and build your holiday to keep the focus on Jesus. 

    -Start by taking a sheet of paper and brainstorm everything Advent/Christmas/December related. 

    -Then on a new piece of paper, separate your list into sacred and secular. (This isn't to say that the secular celebrations of Christmas should be trashed, but rather to get a concise list of the sacred traditions of Christmas). 

    -Then on a new piece of paper, separate your list into Advent and Christmas. What traditions are about waiting and anticipating? What traditions are about celebrating and worshiping? 

    -Do the same thing with the songs of the season. Sacred-Secular first and then Advent-Christmas second. 

Instead of setting up everything Christmas related the day after Thanksgiving, slowly start putting things out each week of Advent (granted, some years, Advent actually starts before Thanksgiving). 

Instead of assembling a complete Nativity scene, or scenes as the case may be, make them progressive. 

    -Set out Mary and Joseph the first week of Advent.

    -Set out the angel by Mary the second week of Advent.

    -Move the angel to Joseph the third week of Advent.

    -Send the angels to the shepherds the fourth week of Advent.

    -Put Jesus in the manger on Christmas Eve.

    -Slowly move the Wise Men/Magi towards Jesus, but don't let them get there before January 6th (Epiphany). 

Instead of binging on the Christmas music, treats, and movies all month long (or all year long for some), limit them to one day a week (or one season a year) as a special treat.

Christmas is not something we should get sick of, yet after a month of Christmas in overdrive, we are worn out by the 2nd day of Christmas. 

What might you do to separate Advent and Christmas?