I was looking at notes I posted on facebook, when I discovered this note that I wrote to my hubby after 6 months of marriage. Now that we've been married a whole year and a half, I'm re-posting the note here and reexamining how I'm doing in regards to my goal.
"I've started reading a book called "Romancing your Husband" by Debra White Smith. Already I can tell that this is one book that I want to read at least once a year to refresh myself on. This book challenges the way that I interact with Lucas. Although I'm doing well in some areas, I certainly can improve in *all* areas. Below is a list of goals that I have regarding my spouse. Most of these goals probably won't ever be completely checked off because while I can improve, there will be more room to improve more. This list is *not* a list I have mastered, but it is my ideal that I am striving towards.
1. When I married you, I married a man. You are not my child. I will not call you my child, to your face or behind your back. I will view you as my spouse, my partner, my equal, and my blessing.
2. When I ask you to do a task, I will ask you to try to complete it by a certain time of when I would like it done by and THEN I will give you the until that time to get it done, without any nagging from me.
3. When I give you a task, I waive all rights as to how it should be done. It shouldn’t be illegal or hurtful, but other than these restrictions, I give you the freedom to complete it as you see fit, even when I would do it a different way. I will remember that although I may have a different way of doing things, my way is not automatically better.
4. When you do a task, I will try to compliment you within 24 hours of completion. This will make me more aware of all the things that you do for me around the house and in general.
5. I will believe the best about you. If there are 2 possible explanations for a behavior, one positive and one negative, I will give you the benefit of the doubt and assume the positive explanation that shows you in a favorable light is correct until I’m shown otherwise.
6. I will remember that you do not act spitefully towards me, so any behavior that annoys me is unintentionally annoying.
7. I will be patient with you. I will not take my anger out on you.
8. I will speak lovingly and kindly towards you.
9. I will not be jealous of the time you spend with “the guys” or your family. You need those relationships, just as much as I need time with “the girls” or my family.
10. I will put your needs before my own, but I will still take care of myself. I cannot meet your needs, if I’m about to collapse from exhaustion.
11. When we have a disagreement, I will listen to your point of view and try to understand where you are coming from. Once a disagreement is settled, I will not use it to attack you in the future.
12. I will remember that you need encouragement. I will remember that my words are powerful and that I can build up or tear down your self-esteem.
13. I will not take pleasure in things that cause you pain, but will take joy in what builds you up and brings you joy.
14. I will not take the place of God or expect you to be God.
15. I will continue to learn how to best meet your needs.
These are my goals in how I will treat you. Sometimes I will slip up, fall short, or just downright fail. If...or rather When this happens, I will admit it, learn from it, and move on."
"I've started reading a book called "Romancing your Husband" by Debra White Smith. Already I can tell that this is one book that I want to read at least once a year to refresh myself on. This book challenges the way that I interact with Lucas. Although I'm doing well in some areas, I certainly can improve in *all* areas. Below is a list of goals that I have regarding my spouse. Most of these goals probably won't ever be completely checked off because while I can improve, there will be more room to improve more. This list is *not* a list I have mastered, but it is my ideal that I am striving towards.
1. When I married you, I married a man. You are not my child. I will not call you my child, to your face or behind your back. I will view you as my spouse, my partner, my equal, and my blessing.
2. When I ask you to do a task, I will ask you to try to complete it by a certain time of when I would like it done by and THEN I will give you the until that time to get it done, without any nagging from me.
3. When I give you a task, I waive all rights as to how it should be done. It shouldn’t be illegal or hurtful, but other than these restrictions, I give you the freedom to complete it as you see fit, even when I would do it a different way. I will remember that although I may have a different way of doing things, my way is not automatically better.
4. When you do a task, I will try to compliment you within 24 hours of completion. This will make me more aware of all the things that you do for me around the house and in general.
5. I will believe the best about you. If there are 2 possible explanations for a behavior, one positive and one negative, I will give you the benefit of the doubt and assume the positive explanation that shows you in a favorable light is correct until I’m shown otherwise.
6. I will remember that you do not act spitefully towards me, so any behavior that annoys me is unintentionally annoying.
7. I will be patient with you. I will not take my anger out on you.
8. I will speak lovingly and kindly towards you.
9. I will not be jealous of the time you spend with “the guys” or your family. You need those relationships, just as much as I need time with “the girls” or my family.
10. I will put your needs before my own, but I will still take care of myself. I cannot meet your needs, if I’m about to collapse from exhaustion.
11. When we have a disagreement, I will listen to your point of view and try to understand where you are coming from. Once a disagreement is settled, I will not use it to attack you in the future.
12. I will remember that you need encouragement. I will remember that my words are powerful and that I can build up or tear down your self-esteem.
13. I will not take pleasure in things that cause you pain, but will take joy in what builds you up and brings you joy.
14. I will not take the place of God or expect you to be God.
15. I will continue to learn how to best meet your needs.
These are my goals in how I will treat you. Sometimes I will slip up, fall short, or just downright fail. If...or rather When this happens, I will admit it, learn from it, and move on."
So, how am I doing after 1.5 years of marriage? I'm learning still. Sometimes I do a really fantastic job. Other times, I learn about areas in my life that I need to improve on. Year by year, I look forward to living, adventuring, and learning with you, my spouse, my darling, my treasure. Little habits that I view as annoying, I will try to use them to prompt me to pray for you. (i.e. when I grab a glass that previously held milk and wasn't rinsed out, so the milk has dried in the bottom, I will pray for God to give you the strength to complete His work He has for you).
Taken from "Romancing Your Husband: Enjoying a Passionate Life Together" by Debra White Smith (www.debrawhitesmith.com).
White Smith, Debra. Romancing Your Husband: Enjoying a Passionate Life Together. Eugene, Oregon: Harvest House Publishers, 2002. p. 49-54. Print.
:). You and Lucas are blessed to have each other. Mom
ReplyDeleteThanks, Mom. I think so too.
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