How to Treat Strangers, Foreigners, and Internationals

This post never got published, even though it was written in 2014, when we lived in Costa Rica. I wanted to write a post from my perspective as a international traveler to you who live in the US. I wanted to let you know what my experience was like so that you could better understand the international people in your community. 

Living in a country where I didn't speak the language fluently has opened my eyes to the experience of being a foreigner in a strange land. Here are some of my thoughts which can hopefully be applied to the internationals in your communities.

*disclaimer* These statements are true for me, but they won't apply to every international you ever meet.

1. Just because I don't initiate conversations does not mean that I do not want to talk. It's just that talking is highly intimidating. I'm learning about indefinite past tense, imperfect past tense, perfect past tense, pluperfect past tense, present tense, present progressive, simple future, compound future, conditionals, and new vocabulary every day. I get them mixed up and I get confused sometimes, which makes communicating difficult.

2. Just because I don't speak your language well, that does not mean that I'm stupid. I'm working on my second language, which means I make a whole lot of errors, but just because I speak like a four-year-old does not mean that I have the intelligence of a four-year-old. (Side tangent: I haven't faced this problem in our host country, but many Americans have this mindset. Some international students are learning English as their second, third, fourth+ language. They are intelligent. Saying that foreigners need to speak English in America does not help them learn it any better, but having conversations with them does.)

3. I need your patience. It takes me a while sometimes to get the correct words together in the correct order with the correct conjugation (I hope). Please be patient with me as I try to express myself in another language.

4. Please speak slowly, clearly, and without slang or idioms. Each word you say needs to be translated in my mind. Please use simple words that are clearly enunciated. I probably won't understand slang or idioms. Abbreviations, acronyms, and slang are very difficult for me to understand.

5. Please talk to me. I desperately want conversations in the language I am learning. I want to connect with people. It's just that I'm equally terrified of having these conversations.Talk to us after church. Conversations are nice, even if we don't initiate often.

6. Invite me into your home. Invite me to the store with you. Invite me over for a meal of your typical food. It will make my day to know that you want to spend time with me.

7. Encourage me. The task of learning another language is sometimes overly-daunting. I don't always feel like I am progressing. To hear a native speaker (sincerely) telling me that I am doing well is very encouraging to me. 

8. I don't repeat back things you say to be annoying or talk more, but to make sure I understand. There is a strong temptation to just nod my head and agree with whatever you say. When I try to rephrase what you just said back to you, I'm trying to make sure that I heard, translated, and understood correctly. Please be patient as I check for understanding.

9. That look of panicked confusion is genuine, especially if we are in a noisy environment. The noisier it is, the more difficult it is for me to hold a conversation in another language.

10. I am exhausted. Learning a new language, especially by immersion, is exhausting. If I withdraw a bit, it's nothing you did, but rather, my brain is full at the moment.

11. If I understand a joke in your language, celebrate with me because it is a big deal. I don't catch many jokes, but the few I do, I'm happy for hours & hours.

12. I get my social cues from you locals. Please don't send me through the line first or what-have-you. I want to watch you to know how I should behave.

13. There is a delay between when you speak and when I comprehend. If you use a lot a gestures, my comprehension probably will go up.

14. Subtitles for movies, even if they are in the language I am learning, will really help my comprehension.

15. We are not snobs or stuck-up people too good to associate with you. When we hang out in a group of people with the same native language, it's because they are like security blankets & it's comforting to know that if I can't understand what you just said, maybe my friend would have understood and could help me. Many times, when I hang with "my people" I do so because I am just scared and intimidated. I don't always have to courage to leave my friend who speaks my language.

16. If I make silly errors with word placement, it could be because in my native language, that is the word order.

17. If I stumble over the names & places in the Bible, or countries of the world in general, it's because I'm learning every name, place, & country with my new language's pronunciation. It is hard when suddenly Jesús is Jesus, Moisés is Moses, Belén is Bethlehem, and so on. I am relearning everything in these categories.

18. Please don't judge me for using a paraphrase Bible or a different translation than you. KJV has hard words that aren't in our common vocabulary. I'm just want to understand what I'm reading. God speaks through His Word, regardless of the translation.

19. Hug me (if I am a hugger). I don't get hugs from my family.

20. Write it out for me. I read better than I speak.

21. Let me tell stories about my traditions.

22. I'm less intimidated by being asked to read aloud than to answer questions on the spot. It's a great way to include me without fear. I may not follow the discussion or the lesson, but I can read aloud.

23. Sometimes I will completely blank on a word in my new language. I will be explaining something and then bam...I don't know the word I want. I will then proceed to skirt around the word & use many more words than necessary to describe the word I lack.

24. I will stammer and stutter my way through pronouncing words in my new language. I'm not stupid, your language is just hard to pronounce.

25. Call me by name. It makes me feel a part of your group.

26. Take me under your wing. Invite me with you to the store, on errands, shopping, especially if I'm car-less.

27. Make an effort to learn or speak my first language. Even a few words can brighten my day.

28. I will have hard days when I don't want to deal with my new language. On these days I will seek out those in my language group to de-fry my brain.

29. Some parts of the day are easier or harder to speak or understand my new language.

30. I don't catch jokes. If you joke with me, I will take you seriously.

31. In church, if you want us to participate, say our name &  then ask us your question. We aren't opposed to participating, but we are intimidated. Sometimes we don't translate if we think you are addressing someone else.

32. In church, it's alright to ask us to read (it's more comfortable than answering a question point-blank!).

33. Compliment our grasp of your language. We don't feel like we're making progress. We are painfully aware of our errors & the words we don't understand. Tohave a native speaker tell us we're doing good (as long as it's a truthful statement) means a lot. Just don't be surprised if we deny it.

...For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me....Matthew 25:31-46

I Prayed for Compassion

I prayed to have compassion, because it is a skill that I lack. (Seriously, ask my husband. He may be polite & I am more forthright with him, but I have a distinct lack of compassion when I feel that the choices people make put them in their situation.)

I prayed to have compassion and suddenly difficulties arose in my life.

I never understood the loneliness felt by stay-at-home moms and at-home workers, until I was working at home and my husband was working outside the home. You see, for the first two years we were married, I was a student & as an introvert, I got enough "people time" that I was always grateful for alone time. Then for our third year of marriage, I was substituting, volunteering, and preparing to move to another country for ministry. Again, my need to be around people was always met. On our foreign mission field during our fourth year of marriage, I had generous amounts of quality time with my spouse, and spent my days in language classes and office work. I would feel "peopled-out" and enjoy my introvert time, content that I was a strong introvert, a 10/10 on the Myers-Briggs introversion-extroversion scale.

When we moved to Cactus, for the first month and a half we were here, my husband was at home with me all the time, as we settled in and started our volunteer work. "Alone time" meant that I was in one room and he was in another. Then, my husband went off to work for 8-10 hours a day. Then I realized that my need to be around people had always been met, leaving me to feel like the introvert of introverts. I was lonely. I felt isolated, because we were in a new place and so many of the people I knew were working during the day. I was alone, and then I began to understand the stories my friends & family members told me of feeling isolated & trapped at home, or of watching mindless tv shows just to have a semblance of human interaction.

I never understood scarcity until my pipes froze multiple times in our first winter in Cactus. Suddenly, I had no water, or limited water. I would fill bowls with water from the tub to wash dishes. It was inconvenient, but functional.

I didn't expect, when I prayed for compassion, that I would face difficulties that would allow me a greater sympathy with others. But maybe, if God just gave me compassion, I would not have valued it as much. Instead, God gave me empathy through shared experiences that allowed me to experience the compassion I so desperately wanted.

A Snapshot of Gentry Life in Costa Rica: Fourth Quarter

Our last quarter in Costa Rica flew by...and we've been back in the States for almost two months already...so I figured that I should post some pictures of our last quarter in Costa Rica.

We are an international group at SENDAS. Liz became friends with an Italian professor who was here teaching Spanish

Yeah, I love this guy

My mother-in-law & parents visited us in Costa Rica!!

We saw the beach together

It's easy to see the beauty of God's creation in Costa Rica.

We got to show our parents our world

We took our parents to our English class(es)

Our off-campus English Class

We showed them the sights

We held toucans!!

It was wonderful to spend quality time with our folks!

We showed them waterfalls.

One night we shared our testimonies at a local youth group, right after a guitar lesson.

Samples of Costa Rican money 10,000=$20 (top right), 5 mil (5,000)=$10 (top left), 2000=$4 (bottom right), 1000=$2 (bottom left)

Luke's video conferencing equipment

Our church prayed for us before we left

Sometimes Spanish class & cooking class aren't different classes

Luke taught an advanced English class

Here we are with our 3 Spanish professors.

Spanish Professors, Spanish Students, Spanish Program Director

We said goodbye to our friends/co-workers at SENDAS

Submitting to Your Husband...When He has a Different Plan

Sometimes, I think I'm epic at submitting to my husband. I follow his lead without a second thought. I don't fight back, manipulate, or hold onto my way.

Other times, my husband has a different plan than mine and suddenly I don't want to submit any more.
I have my own plan. I think my way is superior.
Suddenly, it's a real struggle for me.
Will I insist on my own way?
Will I submit to his way?
Will I submit gracefully or resisting every step?

The other day, we were walking back home together. I wanted a taxi, but he wanted to walk, so I submitted and we started walking. But then he wanted to take a new route to get to our back gate; I wanted to continue to the front gate, because I knew the way there. Suddenly I had a choice. I could submit without complaining, I could rebel, or I could follow while complaining & hope for failure. We did find our way to the back gate. I may have complained a bit, but I did my best to submit.

"Submission" is easy when my husband is asking for what I want to do anyway. It's no challenge because he's asking for what I was planning on doing before he shared his plan. As long as my husband does what I was planning on doing anyway, I don't know how well or gracefully I submit.

Submission is real and it's hard when I have my own way I want to do things. It's a choice that I need to make. It involves swallowing complaints & judgments. It involves trusting his decisions & not gloating if things don't work out. It involves encouraging him as my leader, as my head of the household. It involves being a trooper when tired & not throwing his decision back in his face.

Submission requires effort when I would have done things differently. Submission requires sacrifice.

Sermons in Spanish

I thought I had a short attention span when it came to sermons in English, until I started attending a Spanish church.

It's difficult to keep my mind focused on what the pastor says because I don't understand much. (Maybe I need to focus more on trying to understand, but it is easier to flip through my bilingual Bible than try to comprehend a sermon.) A word here, a word there, a prayer, a Scripture reference, etc.

Sometimes all I take home from a message is a sentence or two (or five), but sometimes those sentences are what I need to hear.

One day, I caught that God is always present.

Another day, I caught five main points:
1. We have a personal God
2. We need to know the context of our verses (surrounding verses, chapters, and book)
3. Drugs are bad
4. God opposes the proud and gives grace to the humble
5. We are dirty, pretending to look nice & be acceptable

Another day, I learned that the cross speaks of the cost, but the empty tomb speaks of the importance of Jesus. I also learned we should examine why we celebrate the Christmas in the way that we do.

My take-home point from another sermon was this:
God is eternal.
God is a constant presence.
God is Jehovah.
We live by faith.
We believe in the Word of God.

Palm Sunday (there was a PowerPoint to follow along with)
Jesus the Liberator is humble & He came to serve.
He came to give liberty from sin & evil (Romans 7:24)
He came to give liberty to the captives & oppressed (Luke 4:18-19)
He came to teach the truth (John 8:32)
He came to give us life (John 10:10)
He came to give salvation via grace (John 12:46-47)
Do we believe in Him?
Do we trust in Him?
Do we know of Him?
Do we share of Him?
Are we completing our mission?

Another sermon, I learned that we need to plant to harvest fruits of justice.

Yet another sermon was on atonement, grace, and repentance.
1. Christ died for us.
2. We are saved through grace. Salvation is God's idea. (it's prevenient grace)
3. We need to return to God; repentance is the first step

These are snippets of our year in Costa Rica and they serve as a reminder that God can work through any means, even sermons in a second language.

As a Volunteer Missionary

As a volunteer missionary, I have my Mt. Carmel moments alongside my flights to the deserts discouraged. I have my Martha behaviors crowding out my Mary mannerisms.

I doubt like Thomas. I lie & deceive like Abraham & Isaac. I boast like Joseph. I judge & condemn like the Pharisees. I wander from God like the Israelites. I fear like Gideon. I sin like Adam & Eve. I am stingy like Nabal. I have pride like Aaron & Miriam. I try to replace God with myself like the devil. Ouch. I'm like the devil.

Yet, I also sing like David (just flip through his Psalms in your Bible). I weep with compassion like Jeremiah (or read Lamentations). I help like Abigail. I open my home like Mary/Martha & Lydia. I write like Paul (see Romans, the Corinthians, Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians, the Thessalonians, the Timothy's, Titus, and Philemon)...(ok, maybe not quite so eloquently). I invite like Andrew. I encourage like Barbabas. I seek the truth like Nicodemus. I dance like Miriam. I work like Nehemiah.

It's funny how the 10 negative examples came so much more readily and easily than the 10 positive examples. I'm talking MAJOR brainstorming to reach 10 positive examples to go with my 10 negative examples. The 10 negative examples flowed out of the pen and off my fingers, but the 10 positive examples struggled to form.

As a volunteer missionary, I still reach the highs & lows of faith. As a volunteer missionary, God is still with me, just as He is with you.

A Snapshot of our Mission Trip to Costa Rica: Third Quarter

Our time in Costa Rica is quickly disappearing. The knowledge of leaving brings out a nostalgic thread in me, so I've found 20 pictures of our third quarter in Costa Rica.

Once I started to notice the parrots, I saw them often

We started a Basic I class we co-taught in a local church, in addition to our own ESL classes we taught on campus

This is my favorite butterfly. It's call the blue morpho

We still admire God's power as shown in creation

At the end of April, we had a treat! Our friends from the States came for a mission trip & stayed an extra few days to visit us!!

Lucas got to help at the famous (to us) local church that's expanding to fit it's growing congregation

The church is called "La Finca" which means "the farm"

We heard a fellow co-worker give his testimony & give God the glory

Lucas is helping at La Finca by painting

Mustaches are popular in the States & Costa Rica

For Father's Day, a mariachi band came and played

They sang to the fathers

Liz is teaching her Basic 1 course on campus

Lucas is teaching his Basic 2 course on campus

We went back to Nicaragua to renew our Costa Rica visas and worked in the same school as before

Some of the students remembered us from before

We taught English songs in preschool through sixth grade

We rode in a "tuk-tuk" or bicycle taxi

Lucas is with a Nazarene superintendent, Gerardo

Nicaraguan Money (roughly 20 cordobas is $1USD)

A Snapshot of Our Time in Costa Rica: Second Quarter

Our time in Costa Rica is quickly disappearing. The knowledge of leaving brings out a nostalgic thread in me, so I've found 20 pictures of our second quarter in Costa Rica.

A rainbow smiles upon SENDAS

We scaled back to 9 hours of Spanish class a week from January through March

We learned how coffee is made & Liz got to try her hand at turning coffee beans in the sun.

Lucas got to see the volcano that he really was wanting to see.

We enjoyed hiking to see the beauty & power of God's creation.

Liz & Luke among "Poor Man's Umbrellas"

These darling parrots like to perch outside the window & squawk us awake in the morning.

Outside the gates of SENDAS with the flags a'flying

Liz & other Spanish students crossed the alligator bridge

Liz saw the beauty of creation in a seaside sunset

Liz & other Spanish students at the beach

Lucas helped survey for a bridge project in an indigenous region.

We joined our church on a picnic

The ping pong buddies at the church picnic

Liz joined the ladies of a Work & Witness team in ministering to women of a local church

Lucas got his hammock from the artisan market

Liz likes to use the hammock too

We reset our visas by helping in a Nazarene school in Nicaragua

Church of the Nazarene: Holiness to Jehovah

Liz learned how to make "gallo pinto" (beans & rice) in the Nicaraguan style